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Drug Test

December 20, 2017 by Jim Potter 12 Comments

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(To listen to the audio of this blog post, use the purple play button.)


 

·  Have You Ever Been Drug Tested?  ·

I remember my first drug test in a bathroom when I was required to pee in a container.

Even though I’d been a county employee forever, it still caught me by surprise.

I recall starting my patrol car, keying the mic, and advising dispatch I was “10-8,” meaning that I was in service. Seconds later, my supervisor called me on my phone: “Report to the fifth floor of the courthouse at 8:15 a.m. for a drug test.”

Forty-five minutes later, for the first time, I was waiting for a UA (urinalysis) while on duty.

Here’s my memory.

I’m nervous.

I start thinking: What have I eaten recently? Have I had any poppy seeds on a muffin? Would that cause a false drug reading?

My anxiety level is rising.

I should know, but I start wondering how the urine collection is done. I mean, I’m a person who likes his privacy.  But then again, I’ve had a colonoscopy–a camera up my butt–so what’s the big deal here?

I’m waiting on the fifth floor and I’m anxious.

I’m getting judgmental.

The examiner is late.

How can someone be late for their first appointment of the day? I ask sarcastically. I have work to do, acting superior as I grow more nervous.

The elevator bell rings and the door slides open. A big, black, bosomy woman wearing hot pink, carrying a huge purse and a notebook, steps off the elevator into a space of white-tiled floor and high narrow windows.

She lumbers to a small table and plops down her belongings. I fumble for my identification card, but still wishful, I watch the elevator, hoping a male drug tester will exit the empty space.

The large lady gets her notebook and papers set up on the small table. She reaches into her suitcase-size purse. She’s up to her elbow before pulling out three plastic specimen jars. Then she probes the purse like she’s hand fishing and smiles when she hooks her prey.

It’s a blue, latex, extra-large glove.

I gulp, thinking I may be getting an extra test I don’t need. My recent colonoscopy results were fine.

Uncomfortable, I’m clearly a first timer at this.

I meekly ask her if there’s a male tester coming along. She smiles, laughs, and replies: “I’m not shy. I’m a nurse.”

Haha! Very funny! Fine for her to joke. I’m sweating bullets.

She explains the procedure. “We’ll go into the men’s bathroom together, but you’ll be alone in the bathroom stall to make your urine contribution.”

Yes! In a short time, I’m done in the bathroom. I hand her the warm plastic container. She seals it.

I know; I worry too much.

I’m a prude, but now I’m free to go to work and solve real problems.

I’d be wise to go read some Samuel Clemens, a.k.a. Mark Twain.

He wrote: “I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”

Until next time, happy writing and reading!

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Comments

  1. Marcia Hudson says

    Hilarious! Love your writing…

    Reply
    • Jim Potter says

      Thanks, Marcia! Including the photo of the glove made me laugh out loud! I appreciate the encouragement. Best to you.

      Reply
  2. Tracy says

    Whew! Nope. Never been drug tested. I was beginning to worry about the graphic nature of this post when she pulled out the blue glove!

    Reply
    • Jim Potter says

      Would that be a graphic novel? Thanks for your contact, Tracy! Again, I really enjoyed your blog post on the mysterious and lovely women from yesteryear.

      Reply
  3. Anonymous says

    That was good Jim and later you are a DARE officer 🙂 Good writing. I need to write something today but my head isn’t cooperating with me.

    Reply
    • Jim Potter says

      Thank you! When you have the feeling to write, I encourage you to go for it! Of course there are times when I’m better off listening. Writing can be a lot of fun and give a person a feeling of accomplishment. Happy writing!

      Reply
  4. Marsha says

    I’ve not been drug tested but I’ve had to take a polygraph before to work in a bank in Florida when I was 19. Talk about nervous. They asked every uncomfortable question known to man or wooooman. I lied through 75% of the test and still landed the job. I was 19 for gosh sake. I had some stuff I hadn’t told my mom or priest, let alone a complete stranger.
    My test was a colonoscopy without anesthesia.

    I enjoyed your blog post and look forward to many more!!!

    Reply
    • Jim Potter says

      Thank you, Marsha. Wow! The test sounds uncomfortable. Write your stories! Hope there aren’t too many bodies in the basement. If you get bored, (that’s difficult to imagine), there are past blogs on my website. Sign up for the free blogs and you won’t miss them on Facebook! Next week’s blog: “Jury Duty.”

      Reply
  5. Phil says

    You were right, it was a good laugh.

    Reply
    • Jim Potter says

      Thanks, Phil. I think I know how you’ve aged so gracefully. Of course, you’re known for your intellect and friendliness, but you’re also easily recognized by your laugh. Here’s a quote by Michael Pritchard, American comedian: “You don’t stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.”

      Reply
  6. Anonymous says

    I think we would all be surprised as to how many people have had to go through Jim’s experience. I have and can understand his nervousness. Now, he can say, without embarrassment, he is among the chosen and the experienced.

    Reply
    • Jim Potter says

      Thanks for your perspective. With private events it’s difficult to find a consensus of opinion. On top of that, we’re all different and handle new experiences differently. Interesting that you see a first-time drug test as a widespread stressor for a majority of people.

      Reply

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Karleen Wilson-Moon

Terrific story relevant to today’s social issues . . . well written . . . likable characters . . . insightful perspective from an insider in law enforcement.

Larry Kruckman, anthropologist

Jim Potter displays ethnographic skills in Taking Back the Bullet: Trajectories of Self-Discovery, creating vivid scenes and fascinating characters. The Greeks had a word for subcultures and people’s behavior: ‘ethos,’ or ‘ways of being.’ In colorful, sometimes marvelous detail, this novel captures various people and settings . . . the ethos of rural Kansas: a… Read more “Larry Kruckman, anthropologist”

Steve Becker

I’m impressed. It was an excellent read. . . . I hope you continue with more projects in the future.

Morgan Penner

Taking Back the Bullet is a novel that provides the reader with a window into the world of law enforcement. As the novel unfolds, the reader is able to see how split-second decisions alter the lives of the main characters in the story. Taking Back the Bullet also explores how humanity is impacted by mental… Read more “Morgan Penner”

Sean McArdle, Winchester, England

Retired police officer Potter’s novel centers on very disparate characters and through the tried and tested means of gradually introducing each one, builds a sense of anticipation about what is going to happen to them. This often used methodology is not easy to do well but is superbly handled by Potter who knows how to… Read more “Sean McArdle, Winchester, England”

Jane Holzrichter

I finished it last night around midnight. What a great piece of work. It kept me intrigued all the way to the end.

Deb Theis, LSCSW, clinical therapist/hypnotherapist

Jim Potter has done it again! After his book, Cop in the Classroom: Lessons I’ve Learned, Tales I’ve Told, Jim has written another great work. In Taking Back the Bullet: Trajectories of Self-Discovery, Jim Potter takes us on an insightful journey into the lives and relationships of numerous characters. Jim is such a talented storyteller… Read more “Deb Theis, LSCSW, clinical therapist/hypnotherapist”

Diana Dester

Good story line, building the characters along the way. Great job!

Wynona Winn, PhD, retired school superintendent

Three main characters walk different paths but with the same destination – each coping with his or her self-discovery, self-identity, and self-realization. Much like their earlier counterparts – Huck Finn and Holden Caulfield – their journeys are often joyous, often tedious and often tragic.

Judy Hawk

. . . I was impressed with the Native American information as well as the depth of character development . . . .

John & Cindy Morrill, 20 years Air Force retired, 17 years law enforcement

I enjoyed your book. When I am looking for a new read, I always read the first page, last page and choose a random page somewhere in the middle before I decide to buy it. You had me on all three pages. I also like reading a book where you can relate to the characters… Read more “John & Cindy Morrill, 20 years Air Force retired, 17 years law enforcement”

Sheryl Remar

I enjoyed the different stories of this book because Tom, James, and Suanna, the three main characters, represent in their own way the different struggles with themselves and society’s idea of what is normal.

Rebecca Schillaci

As a former law enforcement officer, I found the story very relatable as it details the life of a law enforcement officer and the struggles some face throughout their careers. . . Taking Back the Bullet is a journey of understanding, respect, and forgiveness . . .

Dennis Perrin, educator

Masterful storytelling, exquisite character development, so real as to HURT and HOPE, a real page turner. Begs for stage, screenwriters, and visual episodic development a.k.a. TV series . . . Thanks Jim Potter for telling it like it is AND providing us visions of how it could be. Well done!

Rebecca from Proud Police Wife

Taking Back the Bullet is an emotional, yet captivating novel. Jim Potter does a superb job of intertwining each character and putting their individual identities on display. All law enforcement storylines are a true reflection of Potter’s years as a police officer because they are realistic and relatable. This is a book I highly recommend.

Denise Low, author of Jackalope (Red Mountain Press)

Jim Potter is a cop, retired, but he brings deep understanding of this job to his novel Taking Back the Bullet: Trajectories of Self-Discovery. This layered novel has literary dimensions as characters explore crisis situations. Congratulations to this fine writer for his debut novel.

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